Dave Havir, insisting that establishing boundaries is essential and applicable to the believer, refutes the inaccurate popular notion of boundaries allegedly promoting selfishness and division. The true concept of boundaries actually leads to true love when we understand that Christ taught us to love our neighbor as ourselves. If we do not have self-respect or self-esteem, we cannot possibly love others. If we have self-respect, we actually treat others better. We should serve other people because we want to, not because we have to. Likewise, we should obey God's commandments because we want to rather than from a sense of reluctant obligation.  Boundaries allow us to “do our own thing” but also giving us latitude to cooperate. Marriage should serve as an example of two strong personalities who seek to cooperate with one another. Both marriage partners must have a high sense of self-esteem and self-respect. Husbands are to love their wives as their own flesh. A husband or wife who has low self-respect is a hazard in a marriage relationship.  A Christian who allows his mind to be controlled by an official who exercises ‘authority' and control has no boundaries and willingly seeks to be manipulated. Likewise, clergy who establish boundaries for others act foolishly and presumptuously.  It is foolish to attempt to control others or allow others to control us. It is possible to cooperate without losing our identity.  Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have provided strategies to build healthy boundaries, preventing others from controlling our lives, but yet build and maintain positive relationships.

Allowing people to establish boundaries for us * Attitudes and beliefs * Behaviors have consequences * Beyond Boundaries by John Sims Townsend, Henry Cloud * Beyond Boundaries * Boundaryless life * Boundary conflicts * Boundary myths * Boundary problems * Boundaries * Boundaries by Henry Cloud; John Townsend * Boundaries and Children * Boundaries and family * Boundaries and self * Boundaries and God * Boundaries and spouse * Boundaries and work * Boundaries lead to love * Boundaries perceived as division and isolation * Boundaries perceived as selfishness * Cheerful giver * Cherish and nourish self * Controlling others * Consequences * Defining boundaries * Desires * Development of boundaries * Dr. Henry Cloud * Dr. John Townsend * Eight characteristics of boundaries: skin, words, truth, time, emotional distance, other people, consequences, feelings * Emotional distance * Ephesians 5:28 -29 * Establishing boundaries for others feelings * I Peter 5:2 * Galatians 2:6-9 * Giving grudgingly * God has boundaries * Good Samaritan * Henry Cloud teaching on Boundaries - YouTube * Learning to trust again in relationships * Limits * Loving self * Luke 10:33; 15:20 * Matthew 9:36; 22:39 * Necessary Endings - Dr. Henry Cloud * Necessary Endings * Never ignore a gut feeling * Not establishing boundaries for ourselves * Paul as a Maverick * Philippians 2:3 * Resistance to boundaries * Right hand of fellowship * Saying yes and saying no * II Corinthians 9:7 * Self-esteem * Self-respect * Serve willingly * Serving others * Taking control of life * Taking responsibility for choices * Talents * Tearing down others * Ten laws of boundaries * Thoughts * True concept of boundaries * Understanding boundaries * Unity and boundaries * “Who’s your pastor?” * Zondervan - Necessary Endings - Henry Cloud